ADHD Burnout and Holiday Stress: Why Christmas Feels So Hard
- Stella Billerey
- Nov 20, 2025
- 6 min read
There’s a lot of pressure for this time of year to feel cosy, joyful and easy.
Everywhere you look, there are adverts, films and Instagram posts telling you that Christmas should be full of sparkle, big gatherings and endless energy.
If you’re ADHD, queer and/or neurodivergent, your reality might look very different.
Maybe you’re already exhausted just looking at your calendar.
Maybe you’re dreading going “home” to people who don’t really see you.
Maybe you’re wondering why everyone else seems excited while you’re counting down the days until it’s over.
If that’s you, nothing is wrong with you. This season simply wasn’t designed with your brain or your life in mind.
This blog is for you if Christmas leaves you stressed, overwhelmed or on the edge of burnout, and you’re tired of being told to “just relax and enjoy it”.
Why Christmas Can Be So Overwhelming When You Have ADHD
ADHD already asks a lot from you on an ordinary day of the week.
Planning, remembering, switching tasks, managing emotions, dealing with sensory input – that’s a full‑time job on its own.
Now add December and Christmas on top:
Work deadlines squeezed in before the holidays
Social events stacked into a few weeks
Travel, disrupted sleep, different food and drink
Crowded shops, noise, lights and constant music
Pressure to buy the “right” gifts and remember every detail
For an ADHD brain, that’s a perfect storm.
Your usual strategies might stop working. The things you can just about juggle in September or October suddenly feel impossible in December.
You might notice:
More forgetfulness (gifts, dates, messages)
Struggling to start anything because there’s too much to do
Snapping at people you care about
Feeling on edge, tearful or numb
This isn’t you “failing at Christmas”. It’s your nervous system trying to cope with more input and more expectation than usual.
What ADHD Burnout Can Look Like at Christmas
You might have heard the phrase “ADHD burnout” and wondered if it applies to you.
ADHD burnout isn’t an official diagnosis, but many people use it to describe a state of deep exhaustion that builds up over time- mentally, physically and emotionally. It often happens when you’ve been pushing yourself to keep up with demands that don’t really match how your brain works.
At Christmas, ADHD burnout can look like:
Crying in the bathroom at a family gathering and not really knowing why
Cancelling plans at the last minute because you genuinely can’t face leaving the house
Feeling detached and “not there” while everyone else seems excited
Struggling to do basic tasks – showering, cooking, answering messages
Feeling like you’ve hit a wall and can’t push through any more
You might also notice thoughts like:
“Everyone else can cope, why can’t I?”
“I should be grateful, but I just feel awful.”
“Maybe I’m just lazy/dramatic / too sensitive.”
You are not lazy or dramatic. Burnout is what happens when you’ve been running on empty for too long, often while masking how hard things really are.
Family, Expectations and the Mask You Put On
For many people, Christmas means being around family or people who knew you before you had language for ADHD, queerness or neurodivergence.
That can bring up a lot:
Slipping back into old roles where your needs weren’t taken seriously
Hearing comments about your body, your life choices, your relationships
Having to hide parts of yourself to avoid conflict
Being the one who travels, organises or smooths things over
Masking- or pretending you’re okay, more “together”, less sensitive, less queer, less ADHD than you really are takes a huge amount of energy. Doing that for days in a row, in noisy or tense environments, is exhausting.
If you’re part of marginalised groups (queer, trans, disabled, racialised, working class, or a mix of these), you might also be dealing with:
Subtle or not‑so‑subtle comments about your identity
Traditions that erase or ignore who you are
Feeling like the “odd one out” at the table
No wonder your body and brain are on high alert. You’re not just managing Christmas; you’re managing safety, belonging and old wounds at the same time.
Why Your ADHD Symptoms Feel “Worse” Under Holiday Stress
A common worry I hear is: “Can ADHD get worse with stress? I feel like my symptoms explode at Christmas.”
ADHD itself doesn’t suddenly become more severe in December. But stress, lack of sleep, changes in routine and sensory overload can make ADHD traits much louder and harder to manage.
You might notice:
Time blindness getting stronger – suddenly it’s the 23rd and nothing is wrapped
Working memory struggling – you forget what you went upstairs for, three times
Emotional intensity ramping up – small comments feel huge, and you either explode or shut down
Impulsivity showing up around spending, food, alcohol or messaging people you didn’t mean to
If your mental health already dips at this time of year, that can add another layer too. Darker days, financial pressure and memories of previous difficult holidays can all make things heavier.
Again: this is a response to what you’re carrying, not proof that you’re “getting worse” as a person..
You’re Allowed to Want a Different Kind of Christmas
One of the hardest parts of this season is the unspoken rule that there’s only one “proper” way to do Christmas:
Big family gathering
Lots of gifts
Endless socialising
Smiling through it all
But you’re allowed to want something different.
You’re allowed to:
Spend Christmas with chosen family instead of relatives who don’t feel safe
Leave early, or arrive late, or not go at all
Have a quiet day with one or two people instead of a packed house
Say no to games, church, drinking, or anything else that doesn’t work for you
Create new traditions that actually fit your life and your brain
Choosing a smaller, calmer or queerer version of Christmas doesn’t make you ungrateful or difficult. It’s a way of respecting your limits and values.
Gentle Ways to Make the Holidays a Little Less Overwhelming
If you have even a tiny bit of capacity to plan ahead, here are some ideas that don’t require you to become a different person or suddenly get organised.
You might just pick one or two that feel doable:
Shrink your “should” list. Write down everything you think you “have” to do for Christmas. Then cross out at least three things. Notice the discomfort – and also the relief.
Decide your non‑negotiables. Maybe it’s a slow morning, a walk outside, or time alone after social events. Protect those as much as you can.
Plan an exit strategy. Agree a phrase with a friend or partner that means “I need to leave soon”, or decide in advance what time you’ll head home.
Create a low‑stim corner. If you’re staying with others, identify a quieter space where you can retreat – bedroom, bathroom, a walk around the block with headphones.
Ask for one piece of practical support. That might be someone else handling the cooking, sharing the cost of gifts, or a friend checking in by text.
None of these will make Christmas perfect. But they might make it a little less intense, and that’s already a win.
If you’re reading this and thinking, “I don’t have capacity for any of that,” that’s information too. It might be a sign that you’re already closer to burnout than you realise.
If You’re Already Burnt Out
If you’re reading this in the middle of December, exhausted and tearful, this part is for you.
You don’t have to salvage the day.
You don’t have to keep everyone else happy.
You don’t have to pretend you’re okay.
Right now, it’s enough to:
Do the bare minimum to stay safe
Eat something small and easy if you can
Drink some water
Let one trusted person know you’re struggling, if that feels possible
If things feel very dark or unsafe, please reach out to urgent support in your area, a crisis line, emergency services, or a trusted professional. You deserve to be taken seriously.
Moving into the New Year
If this all feels painfully familiar and you’re tired of dreading December every year, you’re not alone. Many of my ADHD clients notice the same pattern: pushing through the year, then crashing hard around the holidays.
ADHD‑informed support can’t change capitalism, family dynamics or the state of the world, but it can give you:
Language for what you’re experiencing
Tools that fit your actual brain
Space to untangle expectations that were never yours to carry
If you’d like support with ADHD, overwhelm and building a life that works more kindly with your brain, you’re welcome to book a free discovery call with me. We can explore what you’re carrying, what you’d like to be different, and whether ongoing coaching together might help.
However you spend this season, you deserve a version of it that doesn’t push you past your limits just to keep up appearances.
Want Support Navigating ADHD or Neurodivergence?
If you’re curious about how queer-affirming, trauma-informed ADHD coaching might help you thrive, I invite you to book a free discovery call. It’s a no-pressure space to ask questions, share your story, and explore if working together feels like a good fit. I work with neurodivergent and LGBTQ+ adults in London and online—wherever you are on your journey, you’re welcome here.
Further Resources
If you have questions or want to share your own experience, feel free to get in touch via my website contact form or join the conversation on Instagram. Let’s keep building a more inclusive, affirming world, one connverat a time.
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